Prussia x Depressed?Chubby!Reader One-shot

I'm kinda new here to deviant art so, um, this is my first published fan fiction. I'm not that used to writing fan fiction so I don't know if it turned out okay. I'd love feedback, I feel like I forgot how to english when I wrote this Gilbert isn't way to ooc in this, except maybe in the end 

Some explanations: 
[y/n] = Your name
[e/c] = Your eye color
[h/c] = Your hair color
[h/l] = Your hair length
[h/s] = Your hairstyle
[l/c] = Your lip color
[s/c] = Your skin color
[f/m] = Your favorite music
[y/w] = Your weight 


WARNING! THIS CONTAINS SELF HARM, IF YOU FIND IT TRIGGERING; PLEASE DON'T READ IT!


You sat at your bench with your chubby face in your hand and your [e/c] eyes focused on the world outside the window. Your [h/c] [h/l] hair was styled to [h/s]and your lips [l/c] made your [s/c] face stand out. Your teacher, Petra, stood at the blackboard and spoke in front of the class and you only listened to a few words. She told the class something about how a new kid was supposed to come to school today. Suddenly, as on command, the classroom door flew open and a person standing in the door yelled

-"Kesesesesee, no need for you to vait any longer, the awesome me, Gilbert Beilschmidt, is finally here!"

You were still looking out the window so all you saw was the reflection of a boy with white hair that stood at the door with a big smirk on his face. You didn’t really care, he was probably the same as everyone else, one of those annoying people with boring interests. So you didn’t even care to look at him properly but of course you were a bit curious. Your teacher gave him an angry look.

- "Thank you Gilbert, I think everyone heard that loud and clear", she said with annoyance in her voice.

- "You can go and sit over there", she continued and pointed at the empty bench beside you.

The white haired boy named Gilbert marched over to the bench and plopped down in the seat the teacher pointed at. The curiosity got the better of you and you threw a glance at him. His face was pale and his hair bright white, but the thing that made him stick out the most was his red eyes. For a moment you couldn’t stop staring at them, you had to admit that he actually was really handsome, no doubt about that. You were so into your thoughts that you didn’t notice how he had turned around and caught you staring at him.

- "Can’t keep your eyes off the awesome me, fräulein?" He said with a grin.

You immediately looked away with a blush spreading across your cheeks and muttered something along the lines of

- "what, no, that’s not what I… !"

You guessed he was German based on his accent and you was pretty sure fräulein was a german word.

- "Keseseseseses!" He let out his odd laugh.

You thought about how cocky he seemed but also how embarrassing it had been to be caught staring at someone.

- "Vell fräulein, I think you already know my awesome name so could I get yours?" He said.

You looked at him again after you had calmed down a little.

-" yeah, of course,  my name’s [y/n]" , you said a bit shyly.

-"[y/n] huh? That’s an awesome name! But not as awesome as mine of course, kesese", he said with a big confident smile on his face.

"Wow, he really likes the word awesome.. And himself", you thought to yourself.

You raised an eyebrow.

- "If you say so..." You answered unconvinced and continued your conversation

- "Are you from Germany?"


A few months went by and you were completely wrong about Gilbert being like everyone else. Both of you shared interest like for example anime, [f/m] and video games. During every weekend you always hanged out and played games and other fun stuff. He was your first best friend, his personality was “awesome” and he always managed to put a smile on your lips, no matter how down you might had felt before. But you had a secret no one knew about. Not even Gilbert. You were too ashamed over yourself to tell anyone. The secret was also the reason you always wore clothes with long sleeves and legs or net gloves. It was to cover up all the scars and marks from your self harm. After you met Gilbert, you self harm stopped. You had finally found a friend to be with that was always there no matter what. But you didn’t want him to see your old scars, in fear of him leaving your side because of it. While you were lost in thoughts you didn’t notice how a certain albino sneaked up behind you and suddenly grabbed your shoulders. You almost jumped out of your seat as you let out a loud scream.

- "Gil!!! What the hell, you scared the crap out of me!!" You yelled at him.

-"Kesesese that vas hilarious, you should have seen your face," Gilbert answered while bending forward in laughter with his arms around his stomach.

-"Oh? You think that was funny? Just you wait.. I’ll pay you back for this", You said while raising an eyebrow and smiling challenging.

-"Hm, are you threatening the awesome me? Come at me", Gilbert answered mockingly.

Your conversation was cut short by your teachers voice. It was time for the first lesson of the day.


*time skip to after school*
You were standing in the school yard waiting for Gilbert when you overheard a conversation between two girls right behind you

-"God, Look at her, she’s so fat", one of the girls said to her friend with a low voice.

-"Yeah, I don’t understand why Gilbert wants to hang out with her. I think I heard someone say he only does it since he feels pity for her", the other girl answered.

Those words was all it took. Your heart sank and you felt tears forming in your eyes. Instead of waiting for Gilbert you started to make your way home, fast. You wrote a message for Gilbert that said “sorry, something important came up so I couldn’t wait for you before going home.” Thoughts started to form in your head after what you had heard the girls say.

"Yes, that’s right. I’m fat. It doesn’t matter how much I try, I will always be that fat and ugly girl who’s alway going to be alone. It didn’t matter that I actually had gone down to [y/w] and stopped being depressed after becoming friends with Gilbert, I was still “fat”, you thought.

You arrived at your home and threw all your stuff away and made your way into your room. Your dark thoughts continued as you searched for a certain object. There it was. That lovely blade that hadn’t been used for weeks. It could free you from the pain inside, right? You sat down on your bed, thinking about how ugly and disgusting you was. You collected your strength and dragged the blade across your wrist, fast and hard. Blood started to make it’s way down your arm from the single wound. Your phone suddenly started to ring. You looked at the screen. It was Gilbert. You didn’t answer. After a while your phone started to buzz again, it was Gilbert again but this time he was sending messages.

"Why can't he just leave me alone? I know he's just pretending to be my friend. He probably thinks I'm ugly, fat and disgusting, just like everyone else does" you thought.

You took up your phone, turned it off and then threw it away. Once again you started to drag the blade across your wrist. One time. Two times. Three times. Soon the blood started to drip down on the floor. Suddenly you heard how someone entered your house.

"But.. weren’t mom and dad suppose to come home tomorrow?" You thought panicking.

In a fast move a covered up the cuts on your arms. Just a minute later you heard someone knocking on the door to your room and the person knocking yelled

-"Hallo fräulein, vhy aren’t you answering on my messages?"

"Shit, it’s Gilbert", you thought. He suddenly barged into your room.

-"That’s so unawesome of you, you know!" He continued with his hands on his hips.  
 
- "Go away Gilbert! I didn’t even say you could come over! I’m busy!" You said with a mix of anger, irritation and sadness in your voice.

Gilberts grin began to falter.

- "Hey,[y/n], vhy are you being so extremely un-awesome today?" He asked.

"Great, now I have to be reminded of everything again", you thought.

The tears you had tried so hard to not let out started to form in the corner of your eyes.

- "It’s none of your business, just get out! I know that you don’t really care, you’re just like everyone else!" You said with your voice starting to crack.

Gilberts smirk was replaced with a sad and angry expression. 

- "Who the hell told you that? Why vould you even think something like that?! I knew something vas vrong when you sent me that message..Can you please just explain vhat happened?" He now said in a voice filled with anger and worry.

Gilbert looked down and his eyes got caught on something laying on the floor right beside you. A blade. At first he was confused then a hint of shock could be seen in his facial expression.

- "Y-you didn’t..?" He started and stared at the blade.

Now you couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. You let them stream down your face while sobbing.

- "I-I-I…", You couldn’t talk because of your sobs and Gilbert rushed up to you and brought you into an embrace.
You held onto the front of his shirt and buried your face in his chest while crying.

- "But liebe, vhy? You shouldn’t do something like that to yourself! And vhy didn’t you tell me anything earlier?" He asked you while slowly rocking you back and forth to make you calm down.

- "I’ve always been alone. And I’ve always hated this stupid body of mine. I’m way to fat for anyone to like me. Before you came to our class I was thinking of committing suicide so many times", you managed to say through your sobs.

- "But when I got to know you, I felt like I had someone. I didn’t want to tell you about my scars since I was so afraid that you would just think I’m pathetic and start to avoid me."
 
- "Don’t say that liebe, you are beautiful and don’t let anyone say otherwise, not even yourself. To me, none of that matters and it shouldn’t matter to you either. Ever since I saw you in the classroom for the first time, I knew you vere special, not like everyone else. There was just something about you that took my breath away. Ich liebe dich [y/n], and I've done it for a very long time now." Gilbert said looking into your eyes. 

You couldn't believe your ears. Did he really just tell you he love you? 
- "I love you to Gilbert", you managed to say between your sobs and gave a little smile through you tears. 

Gilbert put a hand under your chin and bent forward and kissed you. The kiss didn't last for very long but it was filled with love and care. He then let his forehead rest against yours. 

-"I promise i will never let you feel alone again" he said.